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The lesson that I have learned about myself.

Last post 07-07-2008, 8:09 PM by Judy. 1 replies.
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  •  07-05-2008, 7:33 PM 5185

    The lesson that I have learned about myself.

    Ok first off i want to say hello to everyone. The board has been so quite lately. But of course with everything that has been going on in Iowa I can understand why.

    Now on to what has been going on here with me. This past Tuesday my husband calls me on his way to work and tells me that he is feeling real sick to his stomach and he has this funny taste in his mouth. Ok I know what everyone is thinking he should have brushed his teeth and he wouldn't have that funny taste.

    But that was not what I was thinking.

     I was thinking OH God here we go again. Almost 2 years ago he started throwing up blood , they think it is from an ucler but he never had the test run that the doctors wanted done. So we were not sure that was what it was from. But any way he has done pretty good over the past year and half or so and it hadn't happen any more. That was untill this past Tuesday.

    So he calls me when he gets to work and tells me that he has thrown up some blood. I asked him if he needed to go to the doctor, but he didn't want to because it was his first day on a new job. So he works from 7:30 that morning untill 3:30 that after noon bleeding is his stomach. He calls me at 3:30 and tells me he is on his way to the hospital and then his boss calls me to tell me the same thing.

    I get to the hospital  and  they admit him and get him in a room. They have stoped the throwing up for a while that night. But he has it coming out both ends(i know gross) . So when the doctor comes in the room Wednesday morning he tells me they are moving him to ICU so they can start giving him blood. I lose it at this point I am so scared I don't know which end is up. They keep him ICU untill Friday morning and then they put him back in a normal room. At one point his blood leves had gotten very low , his Hemoglobin was 6 and his platelets were at 20.

    While he was in ICU he became very altered and they kept asking me if he was withdrawing from any thing, I told them NO , I did tell them about his past , but I aslo told them that he has been clean for 23 months. If they asked me once that asked me fifty times. To them there was no other explaination for him being altered. They looked at him with all the tattoos and the long hair, most of you know what he looks like and started stereo-typing him, which I didn't think was right.

    After 6 units of blood and 2 units of platelets in ICU and 1 unit of blood out of ICU . They were going to give him 2 units last night but his IV blew and they couldn't get another started. They send him home today. Still not knowing where he was bleeding from but they got it stopped.

    I guess what I'm saying is I'm kind of proud of my self. That was a really hard thing to deal with pretty much alone. OK so i wasn't dealing with it alone the Lord had his hands all in this one. But the one I turn to in times of need couldn't help me this time, this time I had to help him and myself.

    But I did it sober , never once did I think about using. I guess thats those copeing skills everyone has talked about and I wasn't real sure if I had learned them.

    I guess you could say my little square of the world rumbled and rolled but I didn't fall off.

    He is now home and doing better than he was on the 1st. But I still think he needs to be in the hospital.

    I'm still just a wash of emotions and they are a little hard to deal with but i'm doing it . I just have to remind my self of how close he was to dying and that he is getting better now and even though the emotions hurt, I am dealing with them and it's good to feel even if it is painful.

    I guess I wasn't completely alone I talked with my mom and sister and my close friends alot. There were people there for me. Even if it wasn't all the time. They were just a phone call away.

    So any way I hope everyone is doing well and hacing a safe, fun and sober summer.

    Love and Hugs from Georgia,

    Melony

     


    With The Faith Of A Mustard Seed You Can Move Mountains
  •  07-07-2008, 8:09 PM 5187 in reply to 5185

    Re: The lesson that I have learned about myself.

    Hey Melony! 
    First of all, I hope that all is better with your husband and that they have found out what the problem is.  I'm So glad that you shared what is going on with us.  It has been really frustrating for me trying to send and answer posts here for a long time.........some times they go through the next day and sometimes they don't go through at all........they NEVER go through when I reply though, it always says that they are unable to do so.  I am going to email Dave who created this and see if he can check it out for us and find out what the problem is.  He's a great guy and did all this for us for free; and I am eternally grateful for his gift of this board and for getting to meet and get to know so many of you! 
    Melony, it sounds like you are really dealing with things in a healthy way and I loved what you posted.  The truth is that recovery gives us a whole lot more than just not using and we get skills to deal with tough situations in a lot healthier manner than we ever did when we were loaded.  Sounds like you are practicing a lot of healthy skills.......I'm happy for you and proud of you too! 
    Please let us know how it goes and please tell your husband that you are both in my thoughts and prayers.  I HOPE that this post goes through........I'm posting it at 10:07 pm so we'll see what time it comes through!
    TO all the rest of you.......I'm still here and still trying to post and keep things going......just doesn't always happen.  I hope you are all well.

    I'm as always busy as hell at work, at home and in my recovery.......and for that I am grateful........my life works better when I am active and moving forward or at the very least.......just moving!  Take care all and i hope we talk soon!
    Sending you love from Iowa.  Judy


    Judy M

    Review everything you've been taught. Discard anything that is an insult to your soul. And begin again. Walt Whitman
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