Moms Off Meth Message Board

Hi My name is Beth and I am A  addict in recovery. I have been clean off Meth for 4 years in November. I used for 12 years. I have 2 boys 12 and 7. I have since went back to college and got a degree in Human Services, bought a new home, new cars, I'm a sub teacher. I have a great life. All except the guilt. Does the guilt ever go away? I feel so guilty about the crap I did to my children what I put them through. My seven year old is being held back in the 1st grade and I feel so guilty that if I would have beeen the Mom I should have been then Things would be different now. If anyone has gone through this or is going through this I could use some advice?   

Beth,

My name is Kim and I am a addict too, I've been in recovery for 6 years, I have 3 boys and I bought a house last summer. 

Back to your questions????  I think the guilt will always be but it does less-son with time.  My two teenagers remind me of that some time and I responed to them "That was then and this is now" or      " That was the old me and this is the new me" and sometimes they really hit a sore spot and I say   "That was some other ladies not me"  And over time I have come to believe that.

You must not live in the past it could destroy you future and stop beating yourself up about it.  Stand Tall! 

It has taken me awhile to realize how far I have come and to accept possitive praise from others.

It will come it just takes time.

Hope to talk to you again

Kim

Hi Kim Its so nice to hear that someone else is feeling or has felt as I do. Standing Tall for me is hard. I think I am still trying to deal with the shame. I believe my 12 year old has forgiven me and my seven year doesn't even remember those times but, I think I haven't forgiven myself. Did you attend a 12 step program? I did the first 2 years but then I quit going.  I know I have healed alot in recovery and I 'm sure it probaly gets easier. I was told in an internship I did at an addictions treatment center that they don't consider real recovery until after the 4 th year.?! Do you feel after the 4th year life seemed easier. Thank you for responding I really needed to talk to another mother.  Beth

Good morning Beth and welcome to the message board!  I am so glad you joined us and am really sorry I haven't answered your post till now.  Life is hectic for me and I am finding myself fairly swamped on a daily basis which is good!  :)

First of all, congratulations on your recovery and on the many incredible things you have done in your recovery......quite a list of accomplishments!  As for the guilt.......for me that was  process but it DOES GET BETTER!  It comes and goes and the best thing I can do when I feel that way is to get out of my stinking thinking and remember how far I have come, my children have come and what life holds for us today.  There is hope and lots of it.  It helped me to attend a lot of 12 step meetings and work through the shame and guilt and also stay in action in my recovery.......not saying that is what you need to do.....just sharing what I do. 

Forgiving ourselves takes time and as i said, is an ongoing process. 

Ok, as for the intern saying that real recovery until the 4th year........not sure I agree with that statment at all..........I think real recovery is a daily process and we have it at 30 days just as much as we have it at a year and 4 years.......10 years........etc.  Recovery is a lifelong process and there are going to be many incredible things that happen and also painful times too.  That is just how life is for everyone.  I have had numerous miracles happen in my life.......every year since I got into recovery and each thing that happened (good and painful) were necessary parts of living experiences for me.  I will have 13 years in September and I still love being clean and sober and still love sharing in recovery. 
So, keep logging on here........share the good and the bad and we will all do this together! 

Take care of yourself and talk to you soon! 

Judy

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Judy M

Review everything you've been taught. Discard anything that is an insult to your soul. And begin again. Walt Whitman

Beth,

I know my children have forgiven me and they have told me how proud they are of me but they will use the passed against me as a excuse for their actions.  I can't say I blame them tho after all they learned it from the best "me".......

I started out in out patient treatment and 12 step programs but after about 3 years I moved to a new area and never found a group I liked.  I always felt like I needed something more a place where there were women like me that had some of the same issues.  Then about 2 years ago a I found this message board and I knew then I wanted to start a "Moms Off Meth" group here in Minnesota.  So in Feb 2007 I did just that with some help from a couple departments in my area.  And I just love it!

As far as the 4 year thing I would agree with Judy on that one but I can say it took me 4 years to get up off my ass and start living again and start making major changes in my life.

Hope to talk to you again.

Kim

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Lindsey

Hi Judy

Thank you for writing me back. This is so exciting for me to be able to talk to other mothers. I just sat and read the replys I have gotten and it brought tears to my eyes that so many people care. It has been such a long road for me but I thank God for every moment I have clean. I live in Indiana and I have not found a 12 step program that has true recovery in it. There is alot of drama in the womens meetings around here so this is a blessing for me. I will write soon Thank you so much for your reply.

Thanks agian Beth

Hi Kim

Thanks for writng back. I was just telling Judy how blessed I feel to be able to be a part of this message board. I too have never been able to find a meeting that I felt comfortable in. I live in Indiana close to Indianapolis so if anyone knows of a good womens meeting around here I would love to here from you. That is so awesome that you you started a moms off meth group . Do you know if there is on in Indiana? I would love to know. Talk to you soon. Beth

Hi Lindsey

I just wrote you this big long reply and the message board said there was an error and It didn't take. Now I have to remeber what I said the first time which may be hard because I have no memory left. I forget everything in like 2 seconds. ( do you have problems remebering things?) I think it is from the drugs. Anyway, 2 1/2 years you should be really proud. Thats great. Time flys when your having fun... Four years will be here before you know it. I'm sorry you lost your children. I was lucky enough to not to have to experience that. Not that at any second in my addiction they could have been knocking on my doors. My husband went to prison for three years for Manufacturing. I am so glad to hear that you have so many graet women in your life and I am lucky enough to have found you and everyone else to add to my life. Up until now I felt like I was missing something and I'm starting to feel like I have found it Thank you for writing me . Take care talk soon Beth

Beth,

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you I don't always get on here everyday but try to every week.  I do not know of any group there but just do what I did I got on the internet and googles moms group, womens group, moms coming off meth etc.  Thats how I found this board and I've been here ever since.

Gotta go I'm at work

KIM