Moms Blog

i had a horrible night

last night i had a horrible night, i was on one and started tripping out that the cops where coming to my house and arresting me and taking away my  ten month old daughter i was standing by room door gaurding it through out the whole night, when i finally did come out of it i realized that i dont want to be living like this,  i want to stop and i need to stop and not just because of my family but for myself . i need to be strong and stop making these stupid choices. i came to realize this morning that this is it . i want to stop.... i need alot of support and i thought this might be a good place to start.  i just need to ask does this feeling of wanting it ever go away?

New Groups?

Hello ladies! I am new to this group and would like to become more involved I have been clean for two years now and would like to be able to help other women in my area or even just have some healthy place to go and connect with others who have been or are at where I have been in my life Even after being clean for two years I am still dealing with the backlash of using meth. and am having a difficult time with other people who don't want to let my past go  You all know the saying that they like to keep us sick to keep on controling us because when we get better they don't know how to deal with us?  Anyway I am getting off topic here but I really am interested in starting a MOM's group here in South DAkota. I have never started a group before but do attend other recovery groups regularly.  Par5t of my recovery is being able to give back what i have learned and interact wiht others. I am ready to take everything one step further and hopefully give other mothers support and hope that things do get better.Do any of you have any ideas or know how to go about getting a group started?  Thank You in advanced for any info!

I WROTE THIS FOR JALEY

all the pain i feel
am i in hell?
  still?
no-one to blame
  but myself
who was to know
that your life would
be taken from you that way

i never should of left you
     there
but i never thought
your dad would be the death of
        you.
all this *&)$#% pain
it just wont go away
i never thought id lose you that way
i hope you wasnt scared GOD WAS THERE WASNT HE?

now your so far away
feeling no pain
wearing your wings
hopefully flying my way

im sorry that your
dad and i's addiction
 is to blame

i should of been there
for you......
im sorry the needle
came before you.

if i could, id bring you
back.. and let GOD take me.
i hope you can forgive me
for all the pain i caused u
in those 6 short months
that you lived.

it never should of happened
  .ecspecially to you.
i hate the fact that you
 had to go away- oh so far away
jaley im sorry i wasnt by your
side...
instead i was putting a needle
in my arm.
theres no one else to blame
for all this pain
 ill take the pain just
to remember you.
i miss you a million miles away
 jaley baby dont worry mommy
will be there with you one day.

AND I WONT HAVE A NEEDLE STICKIN
OUT OF MY ARM,
THAT I PROMISE YOU...
    I LOVE YOU...

 

 

thanks ladies

i first want to thank the girls who commented on my blogs.

you have no idea how happy i am  to know there are people out there like me and people who understand where im coming from. that doesnt happen very often to me. its rare for me to put my feelings up front for the whole world to see, i usually stay away from women all my friends are male, they dont care about my past and have no desire to sit and talk about it, which is ok with me, anyhow i dont even know how i ended up on this site but im glad i did, ive tried many 12 step programs ive been to grief groups im just not comportable in places like that and yes i did give it a chance and put my all  might into it, meetings arent for everyone i guess. so im here and giving this a chance so far i like it, and your comments are just what i need to hear so thank you for caring i appreciate it.

i plan on stickin around so dont get sick of me lol

but really thanks

I am a recovering addict with triplets

Hi Im new to this site and just wanted to share a little of my story. I am 29 years old and have been using meth since I was 13 years old. I've been clean 15 months now. I've got 6 children, three of which I lost due to using. I quit last June because I found out I was pregnant. Not only pregnant, but pregnant with triplets!! I believe my babies have been my life saver. If not for them who knows where I would have ended up. They are 9 months old now and it's sometimes rough keeping up with them. But I do it. My other 3 children had grandparents to go to. These ones don't and that helps me stay clean. If anyone knows of some other web sites devoted to staying clean and sober Id like to hear about them. Thanks

I MISS HER SO MUCH

NOT ONE DAY GOES BY THAT MY DAUGHTER ISNT  ON MY MIND,ITS LIKE IM TRAPPED,WITH NO WAY OUT. THE DAYS MOVE ON ONE BY ONE, BUT MY MIND DONT. I DONT KNOW HOW TO CONTROL IT. MY HEART HURTS AND ACHES FOR HER EVERYDAY, SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IM JUST LIVING TO DIE, THATS HOW BAD I WANT TO HOLD HER AGAIN. I CAN STILL SMELL THE WAY SHE SMELLED DURING THE FUNERAL. I CANT PICTURE HER EXCEPT FOR THE DAY SHE DIED. I CANT FORGIVE HER FATHER FOR WHAT HAPPENED, NO MATTER WHAT I DO MY HATRED FOR HIM IS BEYOND WORDS. I CANT FORGIVE MYSELF FOR DOING METH INSTEAD OF TAKING CARE OF MY CHILDREN. MY MIND IS CONSTANTLY THINKIN OF HER, I CANT LET GO AND ITS DESTROYING MY LIFE MORE AND MORE EVRYDAY. I JUST CANT LET GO. IVE BEEN THROUGH EVERY KIND OF COUNSELING THERE IS BUT NOTHIN HELPS. SO THATS WHY I CAME TO THIS SITE HOPING SOMEONE CAN HELP ME. HOW DO I PICK UP THE PIECES AND MOVE ON OR WILL I EVER? SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE.

How to deal with the guilt???

Hello my name is Nicole, I have been clean off of Meth for almost 2 years. I used for 9 months, even though it was brief it nearly destroyed my life. Even worse it nearly destroyed my son's life. He was 4 when I started using and he remembers everything I put him through. There are times when I just lay in bed at night and cry thinking about all the things he seen me doing. The time he walked in on me with a needle in my arm and I didn't even care. I am ashamed of myself and even though it's been 2 years and I am SOOO proud of myself for turing my life around I still have this enormous guilt to deal with. Can someone out there help me get over this.

new to site

i am a mother of 4 great kids which i have lost to my mother, which were legally adopted yesterday on jul.27. my husband and i used together and really didnt start using until our youngest son was diagnosed with cancer in jan. 2003 on super bowl sunday. my husband lost total control and i lost it when the cancer came back a year later. i lost everything, my husband,my home,my children, my whole entire family and it is very hard to stay clean (4 mos AGAIN). dhs wasnt able to help with anything, housing and always downing me when i did everything that was asked of me, completed groups,meetings,rehab all succesfully, but i had no job,no help for transportation, and no stable housing. they refused to help with housing. i live in clinton and their is nothing here, i go to couseling, take my meds but no suppport for moms like me. their are few here in clinton that have lost their kids like i have. i feel real alone, no friends, no family, no support. i have been online for 2 days trying to find a support group for moms like myself, i do still get to see my kids when it is convienent for my mom. i am lucky on that aspect, but i still miss them greatly and still have overwhelming guilt that i cant seem to get over. they have come so far and i am so proud of them. i am tired of being miserable, and want support cuz this journey is too hard alone!

Can a person get off and stay off meth without support?

Hi, I'm new and feel like I have been pushed to check into getting support.  I have been clean for a good 2 years now, I feel better than I ever have, and don't hardly think about drugs unless they are in the songs I hear on the radio....like "Mr. Brownstone" by Guns & Roses.  Which is why I listen to symphony music now.

3 years ago last February, I had had enough!  So, I took the tax refund and my 6 kids and moved into my mom & step dads that lived 2 hours away from the town I had lived in for 14 years.  We lived with them for 6 weeks (which was 2 weeks too many).  I moved into an old farm house and allowed my husband to move in with us.  I know I shouldn't have, He made promises that he couldn't keep.  He didn't have the heart to just quit like I wanted.  Within 6 months the kids and I were moving again and this time he would be out for good!  Now he lives in a house back where I moved away from, with no water or electricity and no job.

The kids and I are doing just fine. I have worked at the same place since I got down here.  For the first time, I am employed full time, with benefits & insurance.  I don't really have any friends, just the people I work with, but we don't do anything outside the workplace.  Making friends has never been my strong suit.

By the way, I didn't tell you, I am 39.  I have 2 boys that are 18 & 17, and 4 girls that are 16, 13, 11, & 7.  I also helped raise 3 of my step sons who are all in their mid twenties now.

I have been told repeatedly that a person cannot just quit using without a support group.  So far I have.  Once I completely cut off my ties to my old town, I don't know anyone who can get me anything and that's the way I want it!  My temptation is knowing where it is.  I'm not brave enough to walk up to someone I don't know.  It makes me angry to be told that I can't do this by myself.  When my cravings got strong last fall, I went to my physician who treats my depression & she gave me another med to help fight those cravings.  Right now, I have felt great, until last wednesday at my daughters therapy meeting.  They seemed to gang up on me and the thing that stuck with me the most is that I have FAILED TO GET HELP.  Help that I'm not sure that I need at this time.  I mean I've done it so how can they tell me that its not possible to do?

My family has issues, who's doesn't.  Mine is just times six.  I put my daughters into therapy to help them.  Beth is 16, and was diagnosed with diabetes at age 14.  I didn't go over well.  She had a few overdoses, breakdowns, etc.  We got her into a hospital in VA for 8 months and now she's been back home for 6 months.  When she gor back, I got her all the mental health help I could get her.  So now she has 3 therapists, a psychiatrist, an endocronologist and her regular physician.  Mikki is 13 going on 21, I put her into therapy because I was so frustrated with her thoughts & ideas that I couldn't even talk to her.  I knew we needed help to communicate or things would only get worse.

My family has improved alot over the last six months, and vastly improved since we moved into this house without my husband and all the negative influences and conflicts.

Tell me what you think, this seems to be eating at me.

Presentation at The Whispers and Screams Conference

Friday, May 25th, 2007 four members of the Cedar Rapids MOMs group participated on a panel at the Annual Whispers and Screams Conference in Ames.  This is a conference for professionals that work with at risk young women.  Melissa, Angela, Lindsey and Lesa did an amazing job telling their stories.  I am so proud of them.  I know that by sharing their lives with the people at this training, hundreds of young women will be affected in a positive way.  The people that attended this panel walked away with a better understanding of what can lead a young women to use drugs and alcohol and what they can do as professionals to help give young women the courage to survive physical, emotional and sexual abuse. 

Thank You Melissa, Angela, Lindsey and Lesa for doing such great job! 

     

Meth March In My Town

I'm new here so first I want to say thank you for the sight. Next I want to say I have been clean for 9 months now, and I feel great and i'm very proud of my self. I have used one drug or another since i was 12 years old and i'm 31 now. I can say it hasn't been easy but i'm sticking with . It does get a little easier every day. Now on to the last thing . In the town I live in the Meth poblem is out of control, 97% of the children in our foster care system are there because of Meth. Our town with the help of our churches and drug task force are haveing a March Against Meth this Saturday.The march that took place in a town below us last year had over 3,000 people in it. What I guess i'm asking is for prayers for the march and the town. Maybe this is the beging of an end for the Meth problem in our town. I hope so.

                      Thank you for listening

                            Melony

P.S. The Town I live in is ELLIJAY , GEORGIA

Doubting new comer Is this For me?

Hello My name is Stephanie G, i'm 27 yrs old and i'm a meth addict. I'm desperate to find hope that i do have a chance to regain my happiness and freedom os living a normal life again. I see this organization is based mainly for people in iowa? but i still hope theres room for me somewhere. I am in san Antonio,Texas and i have lost my parental rights to my paternal grandmother and have been arrested for drug possesion and face imprisonment. I still am using and  i have been in rehab twice but still with no luck i'm unsuccessful and alone. I dream of being the person my children think i am for they are still in denial that mommy's a failure.Madeleine Star is 9 yrs old, Madison Skye is 7 yrs old and my only son Mason Storm is 5 yrs old. I can only say that the will and the dream is in me but here in S.A there isn't many places that really give you the help you need to REMAIN drug free! I am so sadd for women  that are all alone in this crazy world that have also lost or are losing their kids and noone cares.In jail i realized that  all of us in there had been severly abused as children. and in there the only form of counseling was maybe if you were lucky you got to speak with a church lady.That was it, Oh and yeah any kind of medication you could get your hands on. They would give you anything as long as you said you had reason you got it. So i was taking about15 pills but no counseling or support groups for personal growth. so how can i help my fellow S.A women????

If you lose or forget your password..........here's what to do

Hey everyone,

I emailed Dave yesterday (he's our man behind the curtain!) about messages from members who have forgotten their passwords and can't log back on to the message board.  Dave says:
Right now the only way to reset the password is email me @ dave@barndogcomputer.com and tell me you username and what password you want to use. I will reset it then.

Dave is and continues to be a huge support to the Moms Off Meth groups and has dedicated his time freely to create and maintain this webpage.  He is THE MAN!!!!!!!! 

So, if you can't log back on, email Dave and let him know your username and send him a password you want to use and won't forget. 

Hope to hear from you all soon, Judy

Radio Talk Show About Recovery in New York

Hey everyone! 

Tonight I was asked to share a little of my story and also some information about Moms Off Meth on a radio talk show from New York!!!!  It was an incredible experience and I was so honored to be asked.  Anyway, I got to tell them a little about the Moms Off Meth group and the work we are all doing here in Iowa.  I gave them the website address and also told them I would put their links on our website too.  I am going to check it out.  It is about recovery from a lot of different things such as alcohol, meth, other drugs, compulsive eating, etc.  I hope you get a chance to check it out too! 

Their webiste address is www.12stepmeeting.com.  They also have a newsletter that you can get for free at www.sober24.com.  Another thing I am checking out!!!!!!! 

For those of you who are new please know that I love you and want you to keep on trying.  Since I have gotten clean and sober my life has been one incredible experience after another and it keeps getting better every day.  I am looking forward to whatever comes next.  I never could have accomplished anything in recovery without the help of loving, strong women in my life.  Both men and women in and out of recovery have filled my life with love, laughter, lessons and meaning.  Each of you have too.  Even for those of you who log on who I have yet to meet touch my life just by sharing who you are and what is going on with you.

I love you and am sending you big hugs!!!!!!!!  Judy

Moms Off Meth members cookout in Washington

Hey everyone,

I am trying to get the word out about the upcoming picnic and time prohibits me from sending each group an email.  One of the Fairfield Moms group members asked if we could all get together to have a cookout and get to know each other before it gets too cold.  We all thought it was a great idea and so are planning on meeting and eating on Saturday, October 14th in Washington.  There is a great park there that is next to the water park and right next door to a Casey's store.  Washington is a small town so I know you will be able to find it everyone!  I think we are going to meet at 11:00 and hope to start eating by 12 or so.  It will go on till it is over! 

If you don't have anything to bring, don't worry about it.  Just come and have fun.  Some of the women are bringing their children and some of us aren't.  The discussion and agreement is that it will be women and children only this time.  Maybe in the future we can set a time for all families to meet and eat. 

If you are going to attend please log on and tell us how many will be coming and what group you are from so we can make plans for it.  If you do want to bring something to eat; I suggest that you bring whatever meat you want and a side dish.  As I said, if not, DO NOT WORRY!!!  Some of us are bringing extra hot dogs, buns and chips so there will not be anyone going away hungry!  There are grills, shelters, and great playground equipment.  Just come and have fun. 

If anyone else has other information we should share here, log on and let me know too!  Take care and see you soon, Judy