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i am a mother of 4 great kids which i have lost to my mother, which were legally adopted yesterday on jul.27. my husband and i used together and really didnt start using until our youngest son was diagnosed with cancer in jan. 2003 on super bowl sunday. my husband lost total control and i lost it when the cancer came back a year later. i lost everything, my husband,my home,my children, my whole entire family and it is very hard to stay clean (4 mos AGAIN). dhs wasnt able to help with anything, housing and always downing me when i did everything that was asked of me, completed groups,meetings,rehab all succesfully, but i had no job,no help for transportation, and no stable housing. they refused to help with housing. i live in clinton and their is nothing here, i go to couseling, take my meds but no suppport for moms like me. their are few here in clinton that have lost their kids like i have. i feel real alone, no friends, no family, no support. i have been online for 2 days trying to find a support group for moms like myself, i do still get to see my kids when it is convienent for my mom. i am lucky on that aspect, but i still miss them greatly and still have overwhelming guilt that i cant seem to get over. they have come so far and i am so proud of them. i am tired of being miserable, and want support cuz this journey is too hard alone!
Published Saturday, July 28, 2007 4:08 PM by heather

Comments

# re: new to site

Sunday, July 29, 2007 6:59 AM by combatmommy
First off Heather welcome, I'm really glad that you have joined us. I haven't been a member very long but I can say that the short time I have the other ladies have made me feel very loved and accepted. I can't say that I know what it's like to lose all my kids, I know whats it like to lose one of them, and it's hard.I to understand the feelings of regret and guilt over the things I've done. But as Miss Judy tells me and I now believe that by me getting sober and staying that way, i'm doing the best for my children. You say that you are proud of your kids that is wonderful but where is the pride for you ?You have been clean 4 months that is something to be proud of. I do understand also the feelings of being alone no friends and such, when I made the choice to get sober I looked around all all my so called friends let because I didn't use anymore. I have now started making a few friends in my drug assesment class that are like me .  I know it's hard right now heather but your doing and those feelings come along with getting sober. Of course they hurt, but if you face them and work through them those pains start to heal. Just keep coming back here and let us know how you are doing, because as I said before these ladies are wonderful and are always willing to help.

your new friend
Melony

# re: new to site

Sunday, July 29, 2007 9:49 AM by Judy
Good afternoon Heather.  Thanks first to Melody for letting me know you posted here and for sending you her love and support.  I don't always log on to this section and so would have missed the opportunity to let you know how much I understand even though our experiences are different in some ways.  
First of all Heather, I want you to know that even though we haven't ever met, I love you and am ready to love you until you can love yourself enough to do this deal.  I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, alone and afraid.  I too am in recovery and lost my kids to child protection due to my addiction back in 1994.  I was fortunate and found great support in my community but it was a long, hard and very scary experience.  I felt hopeless a number of times and so I understand what you are feeling right now.  I did get my kids returned to my care and for that I am very grateful.  But, it took years to work through my guilt and shame over what I put them through when I was using.  I am so glad that you get to see your children and that your mom has them Heather.  I can't imagine how hard that is not to have them but I am relieved that you get to have contact.  
As Melody said, you are not alone here.  PLease know that each and every one of the women I have come to know that are members of this message board have all felt overwhelmed, afraid and lonely.  We have found a lot of common bonds and also a lot of strength by joining here and sharing our lives, our problems and also our solutions here.  As Melody said, even though I haven't known her long.....I already love and respect her and am always thrilled to see her name on the message board.  She has helped me and so many others here too.  So, I hope you join us on the message board Heather.  We will share our lives with you even if we can't be there with you face to face.  
Do you attend any support groups at all?  Are there any church, 12-step or other kinds of support groups in Clinton?  I am sorry that you are having such a tough time and I hope you keep reaching out.  There is hope and again, you don't have to do this alone.  
When I first got clean and sober I went to jail and lost my kids.  When I got out and started working towards getting my kids returned I was homeless for a while and ended up staying in a shelter for homeless and battered women in my community.  Even though I wasn't a battered woman, the women at the shelter supported me and also helped hook me up with helping resources in my community.  Have you signed up for low-income housing?  I know that is a long process and sometimes you have to appeal if you get denied but it can be a good resource.  
It is my experience that I really needed then and still do now, to hang out with people in recovery who understood my shame and guilt and who also shared with me the steps they took to not only just get and stay clean and sober but also how to enjoy and love it.  That was a process and in the beginning I was consumed with fear and doubt and as I said, the guilt and shame I carried was a long time in working through.
However there is strength in numbers Heather, and if you aren't ready to reach out to support in your community, please log on to the message board and join us.  We are all here for you and the other women who are members have incredible insight, love and compassion as we have all felt fear and isolation and have all had traumatic experiences in our lives.  
PLease log in soon and let us get to know you.  I am always ready to have new friends and getting to know new women on the message board is a gift.  I now have friends all over the country and even though some of them I haven't met face to face, we have learned to love and appreciate and support each other.  
Congratulations on your 4 months too Heather!  Getting and staying clean is hard work and I hope you remember that you are in the solution and are working towards a better life, even though it is painful.  No matter what, just by staying sober, I have learned that it is one of the most loving things I can give my children and also one way I can start to repair the damage of my past.  
Maybe you could check into an aftercare or treatment program in your area and see if they could link you up with some people in recovery?  No matter what you do, I hope to hear from you soon.  You will be in my heart and in my prayers.  Sending you a big hug and lots of love, your new friend, Judy

# re: new to site

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 2:23 PM by Michelle
Hi Heather...I just started a new group online here is the url...but first you probley need to join cafemom...there are lots of great groups in there for moms...mine is Support group for mom's who have lost their children or fighting for them...we are mom's dealing with different issues, how we got to that place, but I am a recovering meth addict and I'd love you to join my group...I just started it last week, cuz both the ones I'd belonged to before were so slow, nobody ever came there...and it's something I am so passionate about...I got a few of the active members to join....but would love to see you there....You can always find this group with the following URL:
http://www.cafemom.com/group/support4ourchildren




                                                                                     HUGS,

                                                                                          Michelle
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