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A gramma's 2 cents

Good Morning everyone.

I have three grandchildren, that are in separate households, all three of the mom's have had meth effect their lives, one continues, one is in denial and one is a part of mom's off meth. It has been a rollercoaster ride, to say the least for all of us.

I came to this site this morning, hoping for a better understanding, for myself and the children.

We are raising one of the grandchildren, mom has not been able to stay off or away from it. SHe hasn't seen her children in over a year. Ran into one this past weekend and didn't recognise her own child standing two feet from her....Sad [:(]

Our daughter, who is in denial, has been the hardest road. Last summer there was no doubt that she was still using, even though she denied it. She is now pregnant with her second child and I am praying, not using, she acts like a total different person than she did this summer. But I see things that makes me feel as though this has changed her life forever. she is not the same person that she was as she was growing up. I miss her.

The third one is trying ever so hard, to stay off. She struggles every day. I am proud of her. She has many hurdles to jump, and I know that some are tall and wide. She has my full support and I try so hard to be there for her, just to listen, if nothing else. Some days, I think that is the best that we can do for anyone that we care about.

I am so thankful for mom's off meth. I think that with this so many mom's out there need the support of others that have gone through what they have and really can say, "I understand." and mean it with their heart. I can only say that that I empathize with them and I try to understand, but I am on the other side of the fence, comforting those little ones and my own heart for what this horrible drug has done to so many families.... I just sit here and try to begin to understand how something can be so addictive so quickily and completely. Horrible stuff.

Anyway, I am the other side of the story, the mom that looks at her loved ones struggling with this, holding the grandchildren and comforting them. And when my loved ones let me, holding them and telling them that we love them and we are always here for them. The love never leaves.

Sadly we are forced to choose our grandchildren's care and standing in front of our child and telling them that you choose another over them is one of the hardest things that I have ever done in life. I can only pray that one day they will understand that is probably the best thing that I could of done for them at that point. Was to make sure the child that they loved was taken care of, until they could take care of themeselves, and their child. It does not happen without regrets, let me assure you. The last thing I ever expected to do was to raise my grandchild, and watch my children struggle.

Anyway, hope that you don't mind hearing a gramma's point of view and her asking some questions to understand better.

 

 

 

 

 

Published Thursday, August 17, 2006 12:57 AM by gramma

Comments

# re: A gramma's 2 cents

Thursday, August 17, 2006 6:41 AM by Judy
Good morning Gramma,

I have to say that your post touched my heart in many different ways.  First of all I have to tell you that your daughters and your grandchildren are lucky to have you and I am grateful that you shared your story.  

I am in recovery from meth and just about every drug and lots of alcohol for 22 years.  I will celebrate 11 years next month. I am also the mother of a child who was addicted to meth and so I have been blessed to see the other side of the story.  I was so caught up in my addiction/alcoholism for many years and I thought only of myself and what was happening to me.  I hated the way I felt sober and began to hate the way I felt when I was using too.  I had a lot of guilt and shame over what I put my three children through while I was actively using meth and so being clean was hard because then I got to feel those feelings.  Being high kept me numb and also helped me to lie to myself.  

My family was devastated by my life, what I was putting the kids through and watching me spiral further and further down.  The BEST thing they ever did for me is exactly what you are doing.  They took my kids when DHS removed them, they loved them and also let me know that although they loved me, I needed to change my life.  They no longer bailed me out and it was the best thing that could have ever happened for me.  I am sure it was not easy but neither was watching me ruin my life and the lives of my children.  The end result was recovery but it took a lot of work and a lot of support.

The reason I was so passionate about helping start the Moms Off Meth group in 1999 (and still am) was to continue to repay my spiritual debt for recovery and to carry the message to women just like me, who felt just like I felt and who were terrified they couldn't do it.  I know the feeling and I was fortunate to have incredible women in recovery take me by the hand and show me how to get and stay sober, how to live life comfortably without drinking or using and also held me accountable for my own life and getting better.  I would not be here without them.  

I also had incredible people just like you in my life Gramma.  People who were not addcited to alcohol and drugs but who cared, listened to me and gave me support but didn't rescue me.  I will always be grateful for the incredible people God put in my life then and continues to now.

I think it has to be incredibly painful to raise your children's children while at the same time be a joy.  I want you to know that there are many of us who are going to be rooting for you, your daugthers and your grandchildren.  
Please continue to post here and let us know how you all are and tell your daughters we would LOVE to hear from them.  We are here for each other on this message board and are here for you too.

Finally, I want you to know that I believe there is always hope.  My son, who was so horribly addicted for years..will have three years clean and sober from drugs and alcohol in December of this year.  He married a wonderful young lady who I love with all my heart.  She just celebrated two years in May.  They have a little girl who is the light of my life and theirs and she won't have to see her parents or her grandma use ever as long as we keep doing the work we need to do to stay in recovery.  They are also expecting a baby in October.  I never would have thought we would have the lives we have today.  Please hang in there.  There is always hope.  
I thank you again for sharing from your heart.  You will be in my thoughts.

Judy M.  

# re: A gramma's 2 cents

Thursday, August 17, 2006 2:10 PM by Lori M
Your story touched my heart also. I am the daughter that used and put my mom through pure hell. Though she never gave up on me. Now I have a daughter that is only 12 and talking about drinking and smoking marijuana. So now i get to see the other side on what I put others through. She denies using but who really knows but God himself and I pray that he watches over her all the time. I am so glad that I am in a program on MOM and 12 step recovery to help me deal withh all situations of life. Hang in there and pray gods will is so strong and with the help of him in my life he has helped me deal with things and become a stronger person. My prayers are with you.
Lori

# re: A gramma's 2 cents

Saturday, August 19, 2006 7:12 PM by Kris
Gramma,
I can relate to what you are going through to a point. My daughter was addicted to meth and I chose to commit her to treatment. She is now the mother of my beautiful grandson and is getting married in Sept. I too am a recovering meth addict who put my mom through hell. She chose to take care of me and my children throughout my addiction. Then one day she said "NO MORE" I was mad , mad as hell, but that was the best thing that ever happened to me. She took care of my three kids until I got my life together and I am forever grateful. You are doing what is right by the children that have no choice. I am glad you shared and I as a recovering addict am grateful for family like you. I hope to hear from you soon. Kris

# re: A gramma's 2 cents

Saturday, August 19, 2006 9:17 PM by Happy
Hello Granny, well anyway I do Feel for you.  You write as if you are in pain.  Kris, your a grandmother.(LOL) Man...I better get on the stick with having kids.  )I'm 34.  Well anyway..granny..I have alot of coworkers who could be your daughters.  I feel for you..Hang in there..these people on this site are awesome..just respond and they will answer...U go granny.... Just hang in there.  Sometimes life is NOT what you expect.  Hang on..
Happy

# re: A gramma's 2 cents

Thursday, September 14, 2006 5:19 PM by Mjk
Hello Granny and everyone else on this website,

Let me preface this by saying that I don't want to offend or upset you, or anyone on this website, and if you do not want to speak with me I will not bother you or anyone on this site again.

I am writing this because I am a TV producer in Los Angeles and I am working on a story about  Methamphetamine addiction. I read you post about one of your grandchildren's mothers and their struggles with the drug. I was wondering if I might be able to speak to you, or anyone on this sight, about their experience with family members battling addiction. Perhaps we might be able to help someone get into and have treatment payed for.

I can be reached by email at salazarproject@yahoo.com or by phone at 818-977-3074.

Thank you everyone for your time.

Respectfully,
Melissa

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